When I discovered that my graduation gift was a bible, I was furious.
“I asked for a gun, not a fucking Bible!” I screamed at my dad.
“But…”
“But nothing! Get out of here! I never want to see you again.”
My dad and I never spoke again after that. As for the bible, I just assumed it was long gone until I saw it again, years later, at my father’s funeral. It was tucked away on the shelf under my parent’s television and when I picked it up to thumb through it, a check fell out and floated to the floor. The amount? More than enough for the gun I had wanted.
Suddenly, I felt like a fool. “How many other stupid books had I forgotten to check for money?”
2 days ago
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90 notes
A good fable would be about a spider who goes into this guy’s apartment and the guy gets really angry and decides to spray the spider to death with bug spray, but he accidentally uses hair spray and so the spider ends up looking really sharp and then gets a job someplace that the guy was trying all week to get a job at.
1 week ago
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157 notes
As silence began to dominate the mood of the dinner party, I began to wonder if maybe I should have just accepted a piece of the almond pie rather than declining on the basis that “almonds taste too much like gangrene for my liking.”
1 week ago
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35 notes
With my nude, floral-painted body pressed firmly against the wall, I could only stand still and hope that it would blend seamlessly with the floral wallpaper, hiding me completely.
“She can’t divorce me if she can’t see me,” I thought.
1 week ago
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130 notes
“Hey, you’re the only one who didn’t wear a costume,” I said to James, pointing to further single him out.
“I didn’t wear a costume either,” said the guy with the weird shirt and gigantic head.
“Oh. I meant besides you.”
1 week ago
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34 notes
I wanted to tell her that if I had never tied her baby to a dog to make it look like the baby was riding the dog like a horse, we never would’ve met. But I decided to wait until after we found the dog.
2 weeks ago
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55 notes
