Fox News Hires Temp to Help Organize Tapes

After recent blunders involving recycled show footage resulted in embarrassing on-air apologies, the Human Resources department for Fox News reached out to local temp agencies this week; the first step in an effort to build a more organized system of filing.

“I think it’s clear that the way we’re currently storing tapes simply isn’t cutting it,” a representative from Fox said.  “We had a meeting about it this week and decided that hiring a temp would provide us with the kind of fresh perspective we need for a project like this.  Plus, we’re all really busy.”

Best known for their khaki pants and conservative, solid colored polos, most temps are viewed merely as an extra set of hands brought in to assist companies experiencing a brief wave of busy work.  The tasks of temporary employees can range anywhere from stapling documents to removing staples from documents.  Some companies have even hired temps to reload staplers or throw away staples that are bent.

At twelve dollars an hour, the Fox job is likely to be one of the most sought-after amongst the temporary employees. 

Just ask Kevin Davis.  His agency has asked him to “wait by the phone,” a sign that he is likely being considered for the job at Fox News.  When we caught up with Davis, he already had some great ideas for the project. 

“I think we could write the name of the event on the side of the tape,” said Davis.  “And under it, we could write the date that the event occurred.  That way, if someone looks at a tape, they can have a pretty good idea of what is on the tape…even if they haven’t seen the tape before.”

To hammer his point home, Davis refers to a copy of the popular film, Ghostbusters. 

“Even if you haven’t seen Ghostbusters, you can look at this tape and know that it is going to be about people who capture, or bust, ghosts.”

It sounds simple enough, but not all tapes are created equal.  Many are stored in hard, plastic cases and while the tape itself is well protected, the plastic can be difficult to write on with an ordinary pen. 

“Well I guess in that case, we could just write the info on a label and then stick the label to the spine of the tape,” said Davis.  “I don’t know.  I would really need to see what kind of supplies they have.”    

A Story About Integrity Maybe

Even though he didn’t have kids, my neighbor, Darren, was a grownup my friends and I always looked up to. Sometimes, we would sneak into his house (he always left the door open) and then we’d sit really still in the living room.

“We’re invisible!” my friend Ricky and I would say. “You can’t see us.”

“What the fuck!” Darren would scream, playing right along. “Who is there? Oh god, no!”

Then Darren would pull a handgun out (small caliber – harmless) and spin around, firing shots blindly into the surrounding drywall and furniture until the chamber was empty. Ricky and I would snicker softly into our hands, careful to stay in character.

“I guess I’m all alone,” Darren would say. “I’m always all alone.”  Then, as if he didn’t know that Ricky and I could see it, Darren would begin ferociously smoking something out of a lightbulb.

The game usually ended with Ricky and I crawling out of his house silently while Darren, ever the good sport, would stand in front of his empty trophy case – the gun pointed at his reflection.

Movie Scene

A great movie scene would be where all of the boring colonial guys are sitting around making up laws and then this one colonial guy who is new to town puts his powdered wig and spectacles on a stray dog.  Then when the dog barks, the guy acts all serious like he is paying attention to the dog and he even takes notes.  (Like the dog is barking about laws!)  This makes everyone cheer.

Then we see the main colonial guy and his face is all red and even though he is silent we can tell he’s really like “Man, I wish I thought of that!”