July 5, 2009
My wife Diane and I went to New York City because I had all of these points on my credit card that were going to expire.  Diane wanted to go to Spain, but I don’t speak Mexican and I sure as hell don’t want a bunch of hucksters taking us for all we’re worth because of some doggone language barrier.  Diane finally agreed to New York.  On the 4th of July, we went to this quaint little NY eatery called Ruby Tuesdays. Diane wanted to order this dish which is a bunch of little cheeseburgers, but I was like, “Well fuck Diane.  Why not just get one big cheeseburger instead of letting these clowns screw you into paying for a whole bunch of bun and not enough of the good stuff.”  Diane told me to calm down and I did, but when it was time to pay, they wouldn’t take my coupons from the penny saver because the dope smoking teenager working there said that they had expired. “I started to tell him that that’s the dumbest goddamned thing I’ve ever heard of, but Diane told me to stop yelling at him. “I’m not yelling at him Diane,” I yelled. On our way out I think I heard someone snicker about my braided belt, but if you ask me, the joke is on anyone who pays for a limited amount of belt holes.  It’s just a dumb purchase!  I would’ve told him that, but Diane had already left and I was afraid she was going to have an affair.  I’m glad I’m keeping this journal because it really helps me focus on what’s important.  Also, I think Diane is falling out of love with me, which is stupid of her.  I’m going to tell her that.

My wife Diane and I went to New York City because I had all of these points on my credit card that were going to expire.  Diane wanted to go to Spain, but I don’t speak Mexican and I sure as hell don’t want a bunch of hucksters taking us for all we’re worth because of some doggone language barrier.  Diane finally agreed to New York.  On the 4th of July, we went to this quaint little NY eatery called Ruby Tuesdays.

Diane wanted to order this dish which is a bunch of little cheeseburgers, but I was like, “Well fuck Diane.  Why not just get one big cheeseburger instead of letting these clowns screw you into paying for a whole bunch of bun and not enough of the good stuff.”  Diane told me to calm down and I did, but when it was time to pay, they wouldn’t take my coupons from the penny saver because the dope smoking teenager working there said that they had expired.

“I started to tell him that that’s the dumbest goddamned thing I’ve ever heard of, but Diane told me to stop yelling at him.

“I’m not yelling at him Diane,” I yelled.

On our way out I think I heard someone snicker about my braided belt, but if you ask me, the joke is on anyone who pays for a limited amount of belt holes.  It’s just a dumb purchase!  I would’ve told him that, but Diane had already left and I was afraid she was going to have an affair.  I’m glad I’m keeping this journal because it really helps me focus on what’s important.  Also, I think Diane is falling out of love with me, which is stupid of her.  I’m going to tell her that.

•
  1. neuegale reblogged this from tomoatmeal
  2. blaaargh reblogged this from tomoatmeal and added:
    I ♥ Tom Oatmeal.
  3. katieburns reblogged this from tomoatmeal
  4. baravettski reblogged this from tomoatmeal
  5. tomoatmeal posted this