I Hate my Dog Eric
Last month I had plans to start a business and my stupid stepdad was like, “Why don’t you let Eric be your business partner?” I was like, “Because he’s a fucking idiot. That’s why.” Anyways, we got into a fight and then my stepdad said I basically had to let Eric help or else he wouldn’t give us any cash to get started.
We finally booked a presentation and everything was going well until with about 5 minutes left, Eric starts licking his balls. I tried to keep talking about our product, but everyone in the room was distracted. After it was over, the guys were like, “We’ll think about it,” but I could tell Eric had fucked us. Then on the elevator ride down, Eric goes, “I don’t think you made enough eye contact.”
When Eric is asleep tonight, I’m going to dip his paw in a bowl of warm water so he urinates all over his basket bed and spends the next morning completely embarrassed.